This is one of those posts that you don’t have to bother with because there’s no way in hell you’re going to watch what I’m writing about. But, I’d read it if you wrote it, because I love you.

During one of my recent visits to the town hall of Shamblesville, where Er is the mayor and I’m a (relatively) recent immigrant who files a lot of formal complaints about public works and the like, it was brought to my attention that the posts I write are ridiculously long. Or maybe it was ridiculous and long. I agreed that it was putting my readers through a lot, but felt that I was entitled to drone on endlessly and expect people to care for several reasons (“reasons” here pronounced: eks-KUE-sez): First, I am a person who has a lot of thoughts and these thoughts are important and beneficial to everyone. Second, I am hilarious at all times. Third, I am a sadistic and bitter only child, with emphasis on “sadistic.” And “bitter.” And “child” as well. But you can leave the words “and” and “only” without emphasis, because my middle name is Benevolent. (Actually, my middle name’s “Lui-Tin” but if I told you that meant benevolent in Chinese, you might believe me, wouldn’t you? Sucker.) Despite all this, we discussed the mutually shared opinion that reading and responding to comments is as fun, if not even more so, than writing posts. For me, this might be because joking about poop with my friends is (even) more rewarding than screaming at the Fates for their hideous betrayal.

With that in mind, I give you a series of intentionally shorter posts where I will stop short of trying to cover everything brought to mind by something I watched as well as any resultant tangents in excruciating detail. With that, I present a little bit of something on Churasan saga. Actually, this post is a long time in the making. I’ve been watching the series in one form or another regularly for a year and a half. It’s the first live-action Japanese television series I ever watched (in Japanese). It is the primary basis for my choosing around ninety percent of the dorama I have watched to this day. To paraphrase my friend Max, it’s the result of some magical, mysterious process in which Prozac has been distilled and converted into a form that can be broadcast as a television signal. Additionally, it is the reason I (successfully) scoured eBay in search of an embarrasingly expensive book full of nudie pictures. Don’t worry though; they’re really tasteful. For those die hards who have been reading MediaSlave since way back in 2006 and taking notes on each entry, please, I implore you, seek help from either from a mental health professional or the bottle. But before you go, you’re the only ones I probably don’t need to remind that Kanno Miho is the alpha, but even you may have had time to forget that she also happens to be the omega.

Actually, for some reason, I’m obsessed with all of the women (and one of the men) on Churasan. Pictured above, from left to right because there’s still a part of me that’s American: The aforementioned Miho-chan, who is the (new) human embodiment of everything that is worthwhile and encouraging in contrast to an unrelentingly brutal and sucky world, presented here in a spooky cute little semi-goth package. Next, Yo Kimiko, who is the crazy aunt I wish I had in addition to the collection of aunts I already have, currently featuring varying degrees of craziness. On the show, she chooses the guy who is bumbling, awkward and not much to look at, but very kind and sweet; a plotline that gives me hope that I could land a girl like her if I were to ever stop being vicious and evil in favor of being very kind and sweet. In the center is Sato Aiko, who plays a character I refer to as “Nurse Giant Ears” because I’m super good at making up names for people based on their physical deformities (just ask my evil twin, “Creepy Severed-Pinky Lady”). On the show, Aiko-chan plays the kind of the big sister I wish I had, because I think I’d get more people trying to be my friends to get close to her like that one petty bitch did with Carol when she found out that Mike was her brother on Growing Pains. Hey, beggars can’t be choosers, people. Next is Kuninaka Ryoko, who stars as Eri, the indomitable spitfire with moxie to spare. What? Sorry, I heard that girls dig anachronistic boys, but I think I overshot the target date in my colloquial time machine. Anyway, there are days when I wish I really knew a girl like this, who could always bounce back from any trauma with a smile and renewed spirit and encourage me in my every endeavor. Then there are other days when I’m glad she’s just in the TV world because I would have probably stabbed her long ago in a fit of frustration from being unable to accept that which I cannot understand, and subsequently gone down in history as the Longinus of my time. Seeing her in other things has proven to me that she’s more likely than not disqualified from ever even running for the title of greatest actress ever, but she’s perfect as Eri and cute enough for me to buy her calendar even when it’s no longer the right year to practically warrant such a purchase. On the end is Konishi Manami, who used to really creep me out because her hair reminded me of Sadako and her head was way too small for her body, which is ironic since her facial features earned her the name “Doctor Fetus Head” among my fellow Churasites (which is a name I just made up for us and will begin production of satin jackets shortly). Fetuses have big heads, though, you know? Anyway, because of the magic of Churasan, she now strikes me as super cute and I wish she was my doctor instead of the guy the HMO assigned to me who doesn’t really seem to care about me at all, but I will have to settle for happily watching any show in which she’s cast instead. Not pictured are Taira Tomi, Tanaka Yoshiko and Yamaguchi Ayumi, all three of whom are also cute residents of Awesometown.

I was recently told by a friend of mine that “cute” isn’t flattering when it comes to describing girls. She told me that the common three positive, appearance-based compliments for women are “pretty,” “sexy” and “cute,” with “cute” being the one you haul out when you can’t honestly bring yourself to say either of the other two. The fact that she possesses all three of these qualities in painful excess aside, she’s wrong about the breakdown, at least when I’m employing the terminology. Cute is disarming like nothing else can be. It is dangerous, alluring and unwise to underestimate. I understand that words exist in the world outside my head and take on meanings and nuance that I may not readily accept, but trust me when I say that there is zero percent condescension or patronization content in my own brewing of the term. It is what drives me helplessly to watch dorama after dorama starring the ladies of Churasan, even when it means nearly ten mind-corroding hours of Tatta Hitotsu no Koi. In my many and frequent dark hours in which I lament the loss of a previous version of my own life, more than sexy or pretty, I miss feeling cute. I suffer daily at the Altar of Cute.

Remember when I said this one was going to be short? Sorry.

This entry was posted by eugene on Wednesday, January 31st, 2007 at 4:47 am and is filed under japanese, tv. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.